Transformation Tuesday Affirmation: “________, I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be.” – Louise Hay affirmation from the book, “You Can Heal Your Life.”
As I mentioned last week, this book was life-changing for me, and this is the 2nd of two affirmations that resonated the most. It’s about forgiveness, yes, but more so it is about releasing expectations.
When you are upset because someone did something (or didn’t do something), take a step back and open your perspective. What is your expectation of them? Is it realistic? Is it fair?
Expectations can be very harmful in any type of relationship because you have one party that is wanting the other to behave a certain way, which can easily cause both parties to become resentful. Holding an expectation for someone is literally you forcing your will upon them. It is far healthier to accept – even appreciate – them for who they are and understand that they are not going to change.
Coming to this realization and releasing them of any expectation is true unconditional love. Finding unconditional love is liberating because when you truly have no expectation of the other person, it is impossible to be hurt by them. This is exactly how you move away from the “hurt” in relationships, whether it’s a current situation or one from way in the past.
This is another “fill in the blank” affirmation – put the name of the person you are holding an expectation for in the blank space. Then make sure you say it out loud, simply “thinking” it will fall short.
I use this affirmation at least weekly in meditation. I run through my list of “names” which is basically everyone I interact with on a regular basis. My kids, my friends, my siblings, my parents, my boss and coworkers, and especially my ex. With each one, I pause and reflect and truly soak in the idea that I forgive them for not meeting my expectation. When I’m done with this, the “hurt” is gone. Really. Completely. Gone.
The key here is to really reflect. This is not the time to be spaced out or rote. You have to make sure you are present and contemplative with each one so the idea really sinks in.
And like last week, don’t forget to use this on yourself! Having unrealistic expectations of yourself can be very damaging. Replace those harmful ideas with self-love by saying out loud, “(Your name here), I forgive you for not being who I wanted you to be.”